September 21, 2001 - Shoeless Joe Mommy
 
Welcome to 2TheHeart's Funny Friday - to start your weekend off with a chuckle!  Feel free to pass this on and share the smiles!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE PMS

Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
Your using your cellular phone to dial up every bumpersticker that
says,"How's my driving- call 1-800-***-****."
Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
You're counting down the days until menopause.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gifts for our soldiers that show you care! Care Packages offer thoughtful gift with themes for the military in several different packages! This unique and caring gift will lift the spirits and share a smile - truly gifts 2TheHeart! http://www.qksrv.net/click-404250-1514405

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

American star & jel candles (red, white & blue), floating star candles, floating pumpkin and fall leaf candles and hundreds of wonderful Autumn candles and accessories! http://www.qksrv.net/click-404250-55516

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Although last week I decided not to run Funny Friday due to the tragedy America is facing, as my friend Chuck Dishno pointed out to me, we now need something to make us laugh more than ever. I hope my story today gives you something to laugh at. (Heaven knows it did my family.)



"Shoeless Joe Mommy"
by Susan Farr Fahncke


I see them every now and then.  One single shoe in the middle of the road.  I often wonder how a person could lose one shoe and not know it.  Don't they feel lopsided when they walk?  Doesn't that one sock get really dirty? Doesn't anyone point out to the shoeless person that they are one shoe short of a pair? I recently conducted (involuntarily) an experiment and learned how easy this actually is.

I was running Saturday errands and after going to the bank, picking kids up, stopping for gas, etc., with BOTH shoes in my possession.  I next stopped to drop off film.  When I got out of my van, I slipped on my shoes, but to my dismay, I only had ONE.  Searching the van frantically for the missing half of my favorite pair of sandals, I began to picture my favorite white sandals with the very cool butterfly on the toe, one lying in the middle of the road somewhere. All alone.

My children and I searched the van, under the seats, inside the cubbyholes, even on the roof and underneath the van, until we agreed that one of my sandals was definitely gone.

Bewildered, I mentally re-traced my errands, trying to remember when I last actually had both sandals on my actual feet. I most likely kicked my shoes off the second I hopped into the car and pumped the gas barefoot (classy, I know), never getting out of the car for the other errands.

By now I was feeling idiotic, and the jeers from my kids didn't help matters. Words like "senility", "air-head", and "Shoeless Joe Mommy", were thrown at me by my giggling, unhelpful children. So much for nine months of misery just to bring those vicious little darlings into the world.

The only choice I had left was to go home get a different pair so I could finish my errands. Grabbing another pair, once again, we set off down the road.  Hitting Main Street in our small town, I passed
the movie theater and pulled up to wait in line at our town's only traffic light. It was then that I saw it.

Something white. Something small, size five and half-ish. Something very much like a summer sandal with a very cool silver butterfly on the toe. Something exactly like my missing shoe.

Screeching over to the side of the road, I wrenched the car around in an illegal U-Turn, and stopped at what I thought was right in front of the mysterious shoe in the road.  Ordering my teenager to get out and get it, I heard from the front of the car hysterical laughter as he told me to back up a foot. (No pun there.) Obliging, only to get the heck out of there before my neighbors spotted me, I waited for my son to hop back into the car, his fits of laughter explained by the item in his hand. 

It was indeed my shoe. My favorite white sandal, now with black tread marks (mine), had somehow found its way to a place on Main Street that I hadn't stopped at or even turned off of. Trying to figure out how in the world this happened, I thought of all the other orphaned shoes I had seen over the years, and a new empathy and understanding dawned.

As near as I could figure, this shoe at least, must have fallen onto the running board of my van when I climbed out to get gas. From there it had quite a ride through town and down Main until it decided it had found the perfect spot to land. I wondered how many people had spotted it, shaking their heads in wonder at the stupidity of the person who had lost a shoe and didn't notice. That person was me, and luckily I tracked it down and my shoe found its way home again. So the next time you see a solitary shoe in the middle of the road, try not to run over it, and have a little understanding. Losing one shoe really isn't as hard as it looks.



Susan Farr Fahncke
editor@2theheart.com

I am the creator and editor of 2TheHeart and Funny Friday and I love my job! My most recent writing project is my book "Angel's Legacy", about my sister's journey through life and the trail of courage, compassion and forever-changed loved ones she left behind. To learn more about my book and other projects, visit my page on 2theheart: http://www.2theheart.com/susan_fahncke/


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Letter Box:


Chuck, your story made me laugh out loud! I love the "Cats Per Revolution" idea. (And yes, I'm a cat owner.) Must be the twisted part of me....like how I laughed out loud when I heard a comedian say that if you duct tape a cat to a ceiling fan you can get a perfect imitation of a police siren going around and around...

Thanks so much for your story - I can't wait for more!
~Anne Goodrich
OhAngel!com


Dear Susan,
I think Chuck was behaving just like a normal 12 year old boy, but I'll bet he would have gotten into trouble if his mother had seen those poor dizzy cats after he quit swinging that bucket.

He has two of the most beautiful cats now, and he's nuts about them. I love Chuck's crazy stories.
~Pat Lowe


My dear friend Chuck,
Even tho I lost my best kitty pal this last week and buried him within hours of your story, I kouldn't help but krack up over the bucket full of kolorful kittens.  What a prankish kid thing to do.  I wonder what your readers would think if I were to tell them that the loves of your life are Roz, your beautiful China doll, and those two kats whom you adore more than life itself.  You're such a woos Chuck!  
~Kath Campbell


Dear Chuck,
Your story was hilarious! CPR! The title alone cracked me up! I'm glad Susan chose to run this and I hope to see more of your always great stories.
~Gloria Wright


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Funny Friday archives: www.2theheart.com/funny_friday/

Submit story: Editor@2theheart.com

To subscribe: FunnyFriday-subscribe@yahoogroups.com






Making a difference, one story at a time!