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October 12, 2000 - My Olympic Moment
The most wasted of all days is that on which one has not laughed." ~~Nicolas Chamfort 1741~~
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To submit Funny Friday stories (regular length or "Shorties"), email them to editor@2theheart.com
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Happy Friday! To start your weekend off with a chuckle, we have another great story from 2TheHeart's own ecard designer, webmaster (mistress?) of www.ohangel.com, creative, talented woman extraordiare, and one of my best friends, Anne Goodrich.
My Olympic Moment
by Anne Goodrich
I few years ago I was a young mother.... oh, well, okay - maybe more than a few years - maybe closer to 20 would be more accurate. Anyway, I was a young wife and mother in my 20's and it was a bitterly cold winter night in Michigan. However, my two babies were sleeping in their beds warm and cozy in their Dr. Denton's and I was relaxing downstairs. I went into the kitchen to get a glass of water and heard a sound outside the window - a familiar sound like car tires crunching on gravel. I thought perhaps my husband had come home from work a little early, and decided to peek out the back door. Now, when you walked out our back door there was just a very small landing - a tiny square of cement with no railing and a few steps down to the yard. In order to peek around the corner I would have to grab hold of the corner of the house and lean over to look down the driveway. Just a quick peek I thought - to see if that was my husband's car I heard.
I opened the door, stepped out onto our handkerchief sized "porch",grabbed the side of the house, leaned over, and - Well, I wish I had this Olympic moment on videotape so I could play itfor you in slow motion. If I did, you would probably hear a commentary something like this:
"She goes for the door. The grasp on the handle is firm, the opening execution flawless. She swings the door wide - a good, fluid maneuver for this event. Now she steps to the far edge of the cement pad, and bends her body at the waist in a perfect "L" formation to anchor her hold on the corner of the structure. The positioning is good, the lean a bit precarious on an icy surface, but looking sound. Uh oh. Wait a second. It's apparent here that this contender was perhaps a bit over exuberant in her door flinging. Yes, as you can see in this slow motion shot, the door just as it is flung open is caught by a tailwind, and something, ladies and gentlemen, goes terribly awry. What should have been a gentle swinging motion has gone out of control. You can see here how velocity from the unexpected wind is giving the door extra momentum and speed that our Screen Door athlete probably didn't plan on - yes, instead of maintaining her graceful bending pose the wildly swinging door has sailed back at our unaware contender, slamming her firmly in the derriere. You can see here, however, a graceful extension as our Olympic contestant goes flying through the air, sailing smoothly over the asphalt driveway. Oh dear. Oh my goodness. It looks as though she is going to lose a few points here though - there's no upright landing on her feet, but a headfirst sprawl into a very large, but strategically placed, snowdrift. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you saw it here first - the only U.S. Screen Door Competition contender to have actually gone to a negative point rating on performance. But wait? What's that? Did the screen door or the crash landing hurt our young competitor? Is that crying I hear on my microphone? Why no....unbelievably I actually think I hear laughing. Rather loud and hysterical laughing. In fact our contender is laughing so hard there are tears running down her face. Oh, and look at that! In a surprising decision the judges have decided to award our athlete one mercy point for good sportsmanship!"
Oh yes. I always thought that little non-award winning performance of mine should have been on videotape, so I decided to film it in words.
So with a tarnished aluminum medal dangling around my neck, I will leave the stage now with a bow. I just won't lean too far over in case there are any wild flying screen doors around here.
Webmaster@ohangel.com
Anne Goodrich and is the mother of three children and the creator of the OhAngel!com web site. She resides in Kalamazoo, Michigan, where she keeps a wary eye on screen doors, especially during tornado season.
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The Letter Box:
Editor's Note: Thank you for not sending a single email about last week's story being innapropriate! We got tons of great mail, and here are a few. (See, my husband was wrong... again!)
I should have removed my mascara before reading the kitty story. I laughed so hard I cried and then couldn't see to finish the rest until I washed my face! What a hoot! Thanks so much to anonymous.......he made my day! I can't wait to share it with my husband! This guy should be a stand up!
Blessings,
Sue Henley
well....I thought it was hilarious!! Thanks for sharing it with us and I hope there isn't too much fallout! :)
~VLoveday
Susan,
I'm very conservative and I thought this was a funny story and I even forwarded it on to all who I know are not on the Funny Friday list.
~Dave Sims
Hello dear Susan - oh my goodness - this made me laugh out loud!!! This poor fellow - oh my goodness! Love, Vicki
Susan,
OH MY GOSH, I THOUGHT I WOULD DIE LAUGHING! I couldn't even stop my giggling as I read it aloud to my husband. (Of course, being a woman, I found it MUCH more funny that he did, not having the instinctive pain/protection reflex for that part of the body!) And this in spite of the fact that I have read this exact same story several months ago. WOW! What a doozy! Thanks for the good, cleansing belly laugh.
~Holly Johnson
What a howler !!!! I couldn't keep my finger on the mouse button and my husband and I just shook with laughter as we read this - (sorry, I know we wouldn't laugh if it happened to him), but thanks for printing it - all human life is there, as the saying goes.
~Margaret Allott, Yorkshire, England
That story was "too" funny!! Glad you didn't let your husband stop you from sending it...lol
~Charlene
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