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May 30, 2002 - The Nerd
Welcome to 2TheHeart!
"The greatest high you can get in life is by helping somebody."
Timothy Stackpole, N.Y.C. firefighter
Perished while rescuing people in the World Trade Center attacks
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As I have grown older (not "up", just older), I have come to realize how many of us (the majority) felt like nerds in our childhoods. Many of us still do. This story from Jon Tun is so beautifully written and will reach into so many of our hearts. (It'll also dredge up horrid memories of Dodge Ball - ick - I can still remember the terror!) Jon's scripture at the end of his story is my absolute favorite scripture and as Jon illustrates in his story, I too feel that this scripture and our Life experiences were meant to enable us to love and reach out to others more fully. Thank you, Jon, for this truly wonderful story!
"The Nerd"
by Jonathan W. Tun
I hated this part of the routine; it was so demeaning - We lined up like cattle, single file, against a fence so those with the power to decide our fate could get a better gander at us. As I gazed on the faces of my associates, I saw either radiant confidence or, for unfortunate souls such as myself, dreaded anticipation. Two captains decided our destiny: "I pick......(pick me, pick me! - Shouted the voice in my head)...Ken (Rats!)...Your turn" "I pick....(C'mon, pick me please!)...Todd (Double Rats!)" So went the drill for what seemed like an eternity.. "Well, I guess I have to take Jon then (bottom of the barrel again. DARN!)." I trotted over to my teammates trying to look like I deserved to be there, though I knew the chances of my "survival" were slim. Playground dodge ball was a typical example of daily life for geeks like me.
Life at the "bottom of the barrel" was at least somewhat bearable in that there were several of us that scraped out our existence together. There was my classmate Ansis, who made up for his lack of physical and social skills with his intellectual abilities. There was Paul, who got branded into our group because he was poor, and therefore wore tattered and outdated clothes from second-hand stores. He dealt with our lot in life in anger and cursing. There was Carl, who compensated for his nerdiness with a plethora of jokes, trying to make people laugh instead of beating him up. Lastly there was me, who got labeled with a big "L"-oser on my forehead because I was Asian, uncoordinated, and "vertically challenged" (short). I dealt with my lowly position by being very quiet and reserved, trying not to bother anybody. Despite my attempts to be "invisible", bullies would demand to "borrow" my lunch money, never to pay me back of course. I lost count of all the times I was the brunt of every joke about being short, Asian, or a geek. Even walking home proved to be dangerous because some neighborhood kids enjoyed taunting and threatening me whenever I walked by. I usually ran home past that block to minimize
the chances of seeing those kids.
This is how we nerds lived our life: in fear, rejection, and ridicule; it was pretty much the way we had always known, ever since kindergarten. It was the 1970's, when tolerance for those who were different was not talked about in schools. Bullies ruled the playground, and those of us who were "nerds" had no protector, not even the teacher, because they thought it was all a game. But to me it wasn't a game; in fact, it was the most miserable time in my life. I sought approval, to be accepted, but found myself trapped in my circumstances and banished by my peers. The only solution I saw was to get far away from those bullies and fellow "losers" when I graduated, to start a new life in high school. I didn't think I'd survive long enough to get there.
Then along came Todd. Todd was athletic, suave, and intelligent. The best way I could explain who he was is to say that he was like Clint Eastwood in personality - the strong silent type. He could hold his own, and sometimes got into fights defending what he thought was right. One day in particular will stand out in my mind forever...
As usual, we were playing dodge ball on the playground, but on a cold "Chicago-type" winter day; the ground was covered with packed down snow and ice. I knew that I would be eliminated quickly, but I thought I'd go out with a bang by grabbing a ball that had fallen right on the boundary line. Racing towards the bouncing ball, I was suddenly blind-sighted by someone diving for the ball from my backside, knocking my feet out from under me. After a brief period of being airborne, I slammed flat on my back, knocking the wind right out of me. The other kids thought this was a hysterical sight and started heckling me as I gasped for air. They crowded in as I wheezed on my side in pain, unable to get air into my lungs. Then, out of the fog of my mind I heard someone say "Stop it! LEAVE HIM ALONE!" It was Todd, pushing himself through the jeering throng. He reached down to grab my hand, pulled me up, and helped me to some stairs where I could catch my breath. "Are you OK?" he asked, but all I could do was wheeze. "I'll be right back", Todd assured me. I saw him run back to the hecklers, yank the guy out who tackled me, chewing him out in front of everyone. Totally embarrassed and with Todd's threat to beat him up, the perpetrator came over to apologize. I accepted his apology, knowing that by tomorrow he'd be back to his same old bullying ways. But one thing I will never forget was how someone stood in the gap for me. He was my "Defender of the weak and oppressed". Todd was my hero, and for that I am forever grateful.
I am older now. Buried deep under a camouflage of decent clothes, daily workouts, and better social graces is the nerd within. It's like I'm still the same boy, looking for acceptance and hoping to "fit in". I sort of wish I could have skipped that whole period of my life, but I think God intended me to go through those hard times, in order to understand the pain of the oppressed. Now I feel that God's called me to stand in the gap, to do for others what was given unto me.
"I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these, you did for me. Whatever you did not do for the least of these, you did not do for me." Matthew 25:35,42.
Jonathon Tun copyright 2002
jwtun@tva.govJonathan Tun is a third generation Asian American (Chinese and Japanese descent) born in Chicago, Illinois (1963). Besides enjoying writing, he is an avid exercise enthusiast and philanthropist, currently serving on the board of directors for "Hope for Chattanooga" (a Christian-based community outreach organization - Please see http://www.hope4.org). He is employed as a Programmer/analyst for the Tennessee Valley Authority (T.V.A.) residing in Chattanooga, Tennessee with his wife and two children. You can read Jon's many other contributions in the 2theheart archives.
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The Letter Box:
NOTE FROM SUSAN:
Dear 2theheart family,
Many of you have continued to write, asking after Maxine Wright, one of our writers and friend to many. It has been some time since I have talked to either Maxine or Larry, her hubby, and have had no news to give you all. Since the surgery to remove a brain tumor last July, Maxine's life has drastically changed and she has been unable to eat, speak above a whisper, swallow, or even hold her head up for very long. Not much has changed in almost a year and it's been very discouraging for all of us who love Maxine so.
The day before yesterday, Noah was excitedly telling me a man was at the door with a box, and when I went to the door, there was a BIG box addressed to me.... from Maxine!! I couldn't believe it! I opened it up and just started crying. Inside was the most beautiful, snowy-white crocheted afghan I have ever seen! I picked it up and held it to my face and it was SOOOOO soft! Maxine, through all her pain and stress had made this for ME! I still can't beleive it! The note attached just said "Love, Maxine", but at least I know she is still hanging in there!! If you would like to see the afghan, I took a couple of pix of it draped across my couch and posted them on "Today's Story" page. Look toward the bottom of the page.
http://www.2theheart.com/today_s_storyBlessings,
Susan Fahncke
editor@2theheart.comI know what you mean by those "God hugs", Ellie....sometimes I get em in a place, sometimes just in a moment, in no special place, although any place it happens is special...but it's the best feeling in the world...don'tcha think?..... Enjoyed the story which was a little "God hug " in itself...
Sandy Smith
homergrl@yahoo.comSusan I loved Ellie's story! God & grandchildren do have a way of opening our hearts and eyes to His wonders!
Susan, I fell last week and have been in constant pain....plus I am unable to get up & down & my good sweet hubby has had to take off work to take care of me! They are still not sure what I have done to cause all this pain. They are still trying to find out if I have broken a bone or if it is bad muscle spasms. Please if you don't mind and I happen to cross your mind would you breath a little prayer for me.....I don't have time for all this pain and disabilities! :o) I
have too much living and writing to do.
Maxine's lovely afghan is below!
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