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Above photo of Trisha's grandaughter, courtesy Trisha Uhde
Letter to My Daughter
You child is the most important thing to ever be trusted to your care.
Cleaning can wait. I never heard anyone on the threshold of their own death say "I wish I had kept a clean house." Or smile peacefully about he way they had the kitchen floor clean enough to eat off of. Keeping things clean enough to avoid being ill, and avoid creating a safety hazard, is enough.
It isn't important to always be 'right'
Take care your actions convey what you need them to convey.
Don't punish for a glass of spilled milk, even if it was the last glass of milk in the carton, and you don't know where the next carton is coming from. Long after the milk has been wiped away, she will remember only that she was at fault for doing something 'wrong'. It may take years before she realizes
It wasn't her. It was just life, and things like that happen. She may never remember, it was about milk.
Take care that your own worries don't translate into her head, as "I am bad, I make Mommy unhappy." You won't always be happy, but try to let her know she is a joy in your life. Even when you worry about her, try to let her know the pain you feel is because you love her, not because she is doing something bad.
Remember we all make poor choices, It doesn't make us bad people.
Never spank out of anger, or try to spank out your anger.
Count to ten, then count to ten again.
Count to 100, then backward from 100.
Don't punish in the same manner the finger in the light socket or running out in front of a car, as you might for staying up past bedtime. Some offenses are life threatening, some are merely inconvenient to you. Separate which is what.
You can't put her in a bubble and protect her from the world. But you can protect her from the known hazards, when you see them. Keep your eyes, and your heart open.
You can't give her all the tools she needs to protect herself. Offer her the tools you have. But don't be offended if she doesn't take them, she is building her own toolbox.
The things you really detest in her personality, are probably the very things you also have never resolved in your own. Don't disapprove of her because she is like you.
There is nothing in life you can't face together with your daughter. Swallow your fear and allow her to face it alone.
When she calls and says "momma, please come", Go immediately.
Love yourself, for in doing so you will learn unconditional love. Only then are you able to give that love to your daughter.
Patricia Uhde LdyWrslr@aol.com
Copyright 10/24/98
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