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January 14, 2002 - Her Mother's Wish - Part 2
Welcome to 2TheHeart!
"You don't get to choose how you're going to die, or when. You can only decide how you're going to live, now." ~ Joan Baez
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Free angel pin! With every "Angel's Legacy" book order you will get
a FREE angel holding the American flag or red, white and blue crystal angel pin! Take a journey of life through the heart of an angel and get this sweet angel to accompany your book! Authored by Susan Farr Fahncke, your copy will be personally signed to you or to whomever you choose! Click here! http://www.2theheart.com/angel_s_legacy
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WRITER OF THE MONTH!
This month's Writer has been selected by our readers and with good reason! Marsha Jordan, founder of www.HugsandHope.com penned a beautiful story, "Hugs, Hope & Peanut Butter", showing great love and compassion despite her own health problems. Her dedication to helping improve the lives of sick kids makes her an angel in our book! Join me in congratulating Marsha for this award and her Christ-like service! email:
mmellow@newnorth.net
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Please read the preface story to this one before moving ahead. It is intricately woven as a piece of this moving and heartwrenching story. http://www.2theheart.com/jan11_02
In so many ways, reading this part of the story shredded my heart. The little things of loved ones gone on can trigger a deep abyss of
pain and also of laughter at a memory so cherished. The loneliness at night, the wanting to help others cope with her loss made Cathy seem exactly like my sister at moments and the tears poured as I read this story. It will stay in my heart as I know it will yours.
HER MOTHER'S WISH - Part 2 of Friday's story
by Maria Harden
A few years after her beloved, three-and-a-half year old daughter
Vicki had died of cancer, Cathy gave birth to another beautiful
daughter, Elizabeth, and later, a son they called T.J. Although her heart ached for the loss of her first born, she was grateful for two
healthy children and a happy home life.
Unbelievably, tragedy struck again about a year after T.J.'s birth,
when Cathy was diagnosed with terminal colon cancer. How could this happen when she had already suffered so much, losing her firstborn child? Why would God want to take her from her two babies and leave them motherless? It was just too inconceivable, too overwhelming to comprehend.
I willingly offered a shoulder to cry on, as she desperately
struggled to accept this newest blow. Many times my phone rang late at night. "What have I done that was so bad," she agonized, "that I not only lose my daughter to cancer, but now I am going to die too?" I had no answers. Cathy's faith was strong, but it was to be tested even more in the ensuing months, as she walked through the valley of the shadow of death.
The cancer progressed rapidly, ravaging her body and sapping her
strength, but not her spirit. Cathy had surgery, and was in and out of the hospital, heavily medicated to ease the pain. I visited her often, whether she was at home or hospitalized. We never tired of watching our favourite movie, "The Sound of Music." We talked seriously, mostly about her concern for her children, and whether they would remember her. They were still babies, and she worried about them. Who would nurture and love them the way only a mother can?
I staunchly refused to believe she was going to die. Surely a cure
would be found and her life would be saved! Clinging to that hope, I enveloped her in the emotional support she craved. Prayers would save her. I was sure of it.
Then, as though all this wasn't enough, Cathy's mother was diagnosed with cervical cancer and underwent major surgery, which necessitated a hospital stay and a lengthy recovery period. This was almost too much for the family to handle. First Vicki, then Cathy, now her mother-- all struck with cancer.
Sometimes, in the darkest of hours, Cathy wrote me letters. She
spoke of being lonely at night, when she was unable to sleep, and
thoughts came unbidden to her mind. She fretted over not being
strong enough to help her parents during this traumatic time. "All
those years they have done so much for me," she wrote. "Now my parents need help and support that I am unable to give them." Even with her life ebbing, her thoughts were only of others.
Her mother survived, and continues to do well, and for this we count our blessings.
Another letter read, "Your friendship has made me a better person. When my time comes, I will be taking a part of you with me. I want to be a guardian angel for you, and if possible, will look down upon the earth and send my love to you. I hope you will keep a part of me in your heart. I treasure our friendship and if heavenly possible, will send you love." My heart was, and still is, moved by those words.
One letter ended with:
"I sit here now and wonder why
God has chosen for me to die
But God is good and God is great
Within His hands I now leave my fate."
Cathy planned and paid for her own funeral before she had even died, so as not to burden her grieving family with the process. When she first asked me to give the eulogy, I was aghast. She asked me to think it over, and said she would understand if I could not do it. I still couldn't come to terms that this was happening to her, but her request somehow made this whole thing final. "You're in denial," Cathy told me pointedly, with understanding in her eyes. Yes, I was. I didn't want her to die. I wanted to be there while she grew older, sharing our lives and living our dreams. That night, I wept for the first time, finally accepting the will of God. Not understanding, but accepting. I promised Cathy I would give the eulogy, although I had no idea how I was going to get through it.
The last time I saw Cathy, she was in a light coma, and it was not
clear whether she understood or heard anything. The hospital room smelled of death, intermingled with the fragrant bouquets of flowers from hopeful well wishers. I said my final good-byes to my dear friend that day. Cathy was just three days away from her 35th birthday when she took her last breath and died peacefully, in her mother's arms.
At the funeral service, I stood at the podium in the church and saw sorrow on the faces of everyone who had come to pay their respects. It broke my heart to see her precious children who would probably not remember the mother who loved them so much. The fact that Cathy was only daughter among four brothers was especially upsetting to me. Gathering every bit of strength I could muster, I concentrated mightily on speaking the comforting words I had prepared. Later, at the interment, dozens of pink and purple balloons were released to the heavens, releasing Cathy's soul to One who awaited her.
Some things you never forget. I remember kindness when I see a
photograph of me wearing an outfit Cathy lent me, when I needed
something to wear for a special occasion. I remember generosity when she gave some of her possessions to her family and friends, so they would have something tangible to remember her by. I am reminded of her kitchen expertise whenever I make her recipes, which she shared willingly. She made the best lemonade; the best baked beans, and the best clam chowder. Her courage, her faith, and her eventual acceptance of her impending demise inspired and humbled me. I can't wish for her back, to suffer as she did, but I will always miss the goodness that was Cathy.
Some people you just never forget. I can still hear Cathy's
wrds, "I want to be with my Vicki," and know that somehow, in a
bittersweet way, she got her wish. God, in His infinite wisdom,
answered her prayer and reunited her with her sweet daughter. It
comforts me somewhat to know that they are together.
It has been five years since I lost my friend, and I still miss her
so. I still have not been able to watch "The Sound of Music" again. Cathy, if I could send you a message, it would be that I treasured our friendship and if heavenly possible, will send you love. I know you are my guardian angel now.
Maria Harden ©2001
mharden@escape.ca
Maria is a Canadian who spends her free time making memories and
writing stories. The time seemed right to tell this one, and it has
brought a gentle closure to these events. The healing has finally
begun. Her previous stories can be found here: http://www.2theheart.com/aug22_01 - Musings of a TV Addict
http://www.2theheart.com/sept19_01 - Of Thee I Sing (AWESOME story!)
"House of Horrors", "Christmas Aftermath", "Collecting Dust &
Memories", are all found in our Funny Friday archives:
http://www.2theheart.com/funny_friday
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The Letter Box:
Dear Maria,
Your story was very touching for me and I understand the pain and grief. My sister lost a son in a car wreck oct 22nd a year ago. I
helped raise him he was like mine. I can only imagine the pain my
sister goes through. I know she hurts more than I do, and the pain is hard for me to bear. The loss of a child is worse than anyone you could lose . I have lost my parents, famiy and friends, but none compare with the hurt I feel from losng my nephew. We just have to take one day at the time and ask the Lord to help us through.
~delane allen
lanebug1@webtv.net
Dear Susan and family,
Each time I read a newsletter I think, this is the best! Well one
flys into my box and once again I find myself in tears and sometimes giggles. It is just to hard to pick which is best; they each touch us in so many ways. I wanted to thank all of you for the kind words on this last piece of mine. It was a heart wrenching day and I would like to think one of our fine readers would do the same for my child or yours. But most of all the prayer requests that came my way...'you have them, I won't forget'.
Blessings,
Pattricia Pummill
pennedinprose@webtv.net
Dear 2THEHEART,
Thank you for the story about Vicki. Even though I only got to know her through Maria's writing, my heart broke when she passed away. She is with the Lord, but having read of her spirited and brave nature, I can imagine how her loss is felt throughout her family. I can't imagine losing a little child, but this story made me appreciate my own children more and hug them a little tighter tonight. Thank you, Maria.
SIncerely,
Alexa M., Virginia
Dear Maria,
Your story was so moving and heartbreaking. Yet I felt the spirit of little Vicki so strong. She was an angel and her time was short
because God needed her back with Him. What a blessing to have been a part of her life and enjoy her cute little spirit. I look forward to part two. Thank you.
God's Blessings to you always,
Mary Fine, Seattle, Washington
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