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January 11, 2002 - Hitting Bottom by Sue Henley
Welcome to 2TheHeart's Funny Friday, to start your weekend off with a chuckle!
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This week's Funny Quotes:
"An old car that served you so well will continue to serve you until
you have just put four new tires under it and then will fall apart." -
Erma Bombeck
"An ugly carpet will last forever." - Erma Bombeck
"I'm used to dogs. When you leave them in the morning, they stick
their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until
you turn the key eight hours later. A cat would never put up with
that kind of rejection. When you returned, she'd stalk you until you dozed off and then suck the air out of your body." - Erma Bombeck
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This week's Funny Friday story had me both laughing and cringing. I felt so bad for Sue "hitting bottom", but ya gotta admire someone who can laugh at herself in this situation!
"Hitting Bottom"
by Sue Henley
The concrete felt weird under my feet! How can concrete feel like a sponge? It had been feeling soft under my feet for about a week. I had mentioned it to my husband several times. This particular morning I told him something was wrong with our little stoop of a porch! He went outside and jumped up and down about 5 or 6 times and said he didn't feel anything different and he went on to work.
My little girl and I had the same ritual every morning. We would
walk out the door together saying our prayers. She rushed out the door without me.....which ruffled my feathers a little. We had
already overslept, she refused to eat the toast I had only slightly
burned and we argued over her outfit for 20 minutes. What does a 4 year old know?
I stepped out of the door behind her. As I locking the door, I felt
my footing giving away. The concrete was separating and my right foot disappeared. OK, don't panic. It only has two steps - you'll reach solid ground in a second. Like slow motion I am grabbing for the door handle, the screen door, anything.......as my legs disappear beneath the porch with no sign of solid ground! When I woke up....which was obviously only a few seconds later, I saw my daughter 12 feet up staring down at me with tears streaming down her face. "Are you ok, mommy?" she cried! "I think so, sweetie," I lied! I had nearly torn my ring finger off as it had hung on some metal part of the screen door, my ankle was killing me, my forehead was bleeding - not to mention the concrete practically performing a radical mastectomy. No, I wasn't alright, but my first concern was getting out of there! What builder idiot had concreted 4 walls under my porch, all the way to the bottom of what would be this side of my basement. How am I going to get out of here?
We live in the country with NO neighbors! Thank God I had practiced emergency drills with my little angel. Now, how can I get her back in the house, I wondered? "Do you think you could get up on the strong side of the porch and see if the door is locked?" "OK, Mommy, but don't let me fall in.....I'm afraid of snakes!" she innocently commented! OH SWEET HEAVENLY FATHER! "Do you see snakes down here, honey?" I managed to squeak out. "No, but that's where snakes live, don't they?" "I hope not, darlin!" She climbed up on the side of the non-caved in porch and turned the handle and it opened! Yeah....we're saved!
In 1982 there was no 9-1-1 or cordless phones. I told her to pull
the phone as close to the door as she could and call the operator. Kentucky Fried Chicken is a close landmark so when the operator answered, she in all her excitement screams......."MY mom has fell
through the porch and can't get out. We live down the street from The Colonel....send help right away!" And she hangs up.
"Honey.....you can't hang up. They don't know who the Colonel is!" The phone rang back and the very sweet operator she'd talked to was still there and I translated directions. It seemed like only a few minutes later when the blare of sirens could not be
mistaken. "Shanna, how many fire engines are there?" I asked while I started to feel quite embarrassed! "Only one mama, but it's a big one!" A few seconds later, a skinny wrinkled LITTLE fellow peers down at me.
"Oh, please tell me you're not all I've got," I meekly asked him.
The poor guy was trying so hard not to laugh out loud, that I almost felt sorry for him. After lowering a ladder and helping me out, I quickly thanked him and locked us in the house! I heard the
knock. "Lady, I've got to have your name for my report," he said
while still smiling. "NO WAY! I will not read in tomorrow's paper, "Fat Lady Falls Through Porch...4 YR Old Saves Her!" I shouted through the door! The man could contain himself no longer.
His whole little wrinkled body shook. "Please Miss, all I need is a
name, any name!" Ok....."My name is Jane Doe!"
My daughter saved my life, but some things are meant to be kept in the family!
Sue Henley
doupray2@charter.net
We pulled concrete out of my hair for a week! I did manage to go on to work that day and shared my story with my fellow nurses.....my mistake!
Read Sue's previous Funny Friday story "The Dark Night"
http://www.2theheart.com/darknight, as well as many other inspiring stories in our 2TheHeart archives:
www.2theheart.com/archives
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The Letter Box:
Dear Funny Friday,
My friend forwarded "Etta And The Beer Truck" because Etta was such a cute lady and reminded us both of my mother. I loved it and went to read the rest of yur Funny Friday archives. I had a hilarious time reading through them (it took me three days!) and joined your list. I look forward to it because there's not a lot of humor lists that are clean too. I like yours a lot! Thanks!!!!!
~Jamie Adams
Hi Chuck,
I can just imagine that little lady crawling out from under the
beer truck with her hat clamped between her teeth. I've
lived in a small town with hubby, Willie, for 51 years, and am
only too familiar with the way rumors can spread like wildfire.
Cute story!
~ Pat Lowe
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