Funny Friday for September 14, 2000
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A complete revaluation takes place in your physical and mental being when you've laughed and had some fun. --- Catherine Ponder
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Welcome to 2theheart's Funny Friday's FIRST edition! Today's story is by our own 2theheart ecard designer, woman of many talents, and one of my best friends.
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The Goldfish Caper
by Anne Goodrich
It was a day that would live in infamy. Well, in infamy for our family that is. It started out on a typically chilly November morning in our suburban neighborhood near Chicago, Illinois in 1964, and it was the day that I found out that adults can be crazy - crazier than kids even.
My 10-year-old twin brother Bill and I, with our three years younger sister Sue, were doing what most suburban kids did on Saturday mornings - sitting in our family room in our pj's watching cartoons and eating Frosted Flakes. The day was ordinary - a little dull even, when suddenly there was a knock on our door. My brother answered it. (Maybe Bill forgot that the milkman didn't come on Saturdays with that tray of doughnuts he always brought along.) Suddenly in our doorway were two large, burly men carrying a garbage can. "Is this the Goodrich's?" one of them asked. When we dumbly nodded a reply, they quickly stepped inside, set down the garbage can in our family room and left. The three of us just stood there looking at each other. Suddenly this Saturday morning was off to an interesting start. I'm not sure which one of us it was who screamed when we took the lid off the can. Maybe all three of us. Perhaps we were being a little melodramatic, but it's not everyday that you open up a garbage can in your house and find it filled to the rim with water...and goldfish.
Screaming is a good way to get parents downstairs in record time, we discovered. Mom and Dad didn't even have time to be irritated that we'd interrupted their lazy Saturday ritual of having coffee in their bedroom when they had a look in that garbage can. If I had any lingering thoughts that the Wise Adults would have an explanation for this unusual gift, it was quickly erased. I could tell by their faces they were as dumbfounded as we kids were. It didn't take long after that for our household to go into action. I mean we kind of had to. There was no way that we could keep hundreds of goldfish in a trashcan for pets. A flurry of phone calls was made and soon we kids were dressed and delivering goldfish to every available neighbor in any type of container we could find. We gave them to the Ogden's, the Sousa's, the McGuire's, and the Whited's. We handed them out to everyone and anyone. My parents happened be going to their couple's bowling league that night, and guess what? Everyone won goldfish. It didn't matter what your score was or anything. You rolled a ball, you got goldfish. And still it wasn't enough. Like manna from heaven, these goldfish just seemed to multiply - at least the goldfish level didn't seem to be going down that much. Meanwhile, we still had no clue who the culprits were behind The Great Goldfish Caper. I didn't think even Nancy Drew could have cracked this case.
But then again, I didn't know the ways of adults - adults who were determined to have their revenge and knew how to ply secrets out of conspiratorial neighbors. I'm not sure exactly how they did it, but I suspect that tongues might have been loosened after a couple of Dad's martinis.
Once again, the adults started exhibiting these strange signs of craziness, particularly the two adults inhabiting our household. A lot of whispering and giggling was going on, but we kids weren't told anything, (loose lips sink ships), until after our parent's mission had been accomplished. And then, this is what we found out: someone had given up the goldfish culprits, and they were right down at the end of our cul-de-sac. It was the airline pilot Norm, and his stewardess wife Pat who had thought sending my parents a trashcan full of goldfish for their wedding anniversary would be a great joke. (Later we found out that they had tried to rent a baby elephant to park in our garage, but couldn't locate one - probably not a lot of call for baby elephant rentals. I sure wouldn't have wanted to be the one to clean up after a pachyderm.) However, not only did someone give up the goldfish culprits, but they had their house key. I'm not sure if bribery was involved - probably.
However it was accomplished, my parents ended up with a spare key made for Norm and Pat's house, and they didn't have to wait long to use it.Pilots and stewardesses travel a lot. My parents stealthily snuck down to the neighbor's house with goldfish in hand. Lots of goldfish. Goldfish to leave in their kitchen sink and their bathroom sinks. Enough goldfish to fill up a bathtub full of water and fill that with goldfish too. And there were still more goldfish - enough to leave swimming around in all of the toilet bowls. Of course being a humane person, my mother also left little pieces of lettuce everywhere for the fish to nibble on. Naturally we didn't get to see our neighbor's reactions to this surprise attack, but after decorating their commodes with aquatic critters things quieted down quite a bit. Adults started acting like normal adults again and we assumed that was the end of it.
Life got back to its regular ordinary routine, and first weeks and then months passed. We went to Michigan on spring break to visit my grandmother for a week, and as much as we enjoyed it, we were glad to get home after the five-hour drive. My sister Susie was especially glad, as she needed to use the bathroom. She ran up the stairs, threw open the door, and screamed - a scream that sounded oddly familiar to us by now.
Bill and I raced each other up the stairs and rushed into the bathroom. The first thing I noticed was that it was mighty cold in there. Someone had left the window wide open for the March winds to blow through. The second thing I noticed was the reason why someone left the window open. You see it takes quite awhile to get Jello to set up, especially when you have mixed enough lime-colored gelatin to fill a whole bathtub. And not only was our bathtub filled with this wiggly substance but accessories were added as well. There, cheerfully bobbing along in the glutinous stuff were three little boats with our names on them. A nice touch. I think it was then that my parents conceded defeat. At least we
never quite saw the same crazy behavior again from the adults in our lives. As for us kids - well, we went and got the biggest spoons we could find.
Anne Goodrich is a web designer, mother, and creator of the www.OhAngel.com web site. She and her family reside in Kalamazoo,Michigan, with one cat, but no fish. However, Anne still enjoys an occasional dish of Jello. Email Anne at: Webmaster@ohangel.com
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Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. --- Mark Twain 1835
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