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July 16, 2001 - In God's Hands
made with love for Maxine Wright, entitiled "Maxine's Dream".
Welcome to 2TheHeart!
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"When you come to the edge of all that you know, you must believe one of two things: There will be earth upon which to stand, or you will be given wings to fly."
~ Unknown
Today's story comes with a special prayer request from me. Our beloved Maxine Wright, one of 2TheHeart's favorite writers, was recently diagnosed with a brain tumor. Her story today shares this experience, and I ask that as she prepares for her surgery this Thursday, we all lift her in prayer and send comfort and love her way. Maxine, we love you!
IN GOD'S HANDS
by Maxine Wright
As my daughter, Valarie, and I walked into this massive multi-storybuilding, our eyes widened with amazement. We walked along a multi-colored marble floor into a huge atrium. There were banners of all colors hanging in mid air, people and security guards blustering around, and the smell of fried chicken permeated the air.
"Are we in the right building?" Valarie wondered aloud. There was a plaque of names on the wall and I read "Roger H. Frankel, M. D., Third Floor." Yep, we were in the right place. As the elevator doors closed us inside, we both said, "I feel like I am in a Grand Hotel instead of a doctor's office."
After my four hour wait (the doctor was in surgery), and my two hour visit, I was wishing I was in a grand hotel. I longed to go to my wish room and rest or cry or both. I walked into that beautiful building anxious. I walked out numb. So much had happened in four short days.
I had gone to my family doctor for simple headaches, or so I thought. During the course of the next few days I had a cat scan. My doctor called on Tuesday and told me that I had a small brain tumor. She quickly assured me that it was non-malignant, but wanted me to see a neurosurgeon. My appointment was for Friday at noon. This Roger H. Frankel in the Grand Hotel Office Building confirmed what my physician told me, that I had a one-centimeter, slow growing tumor. The problem is the fact that it sits one-quarter of a centimeter from my brain
stem.
My only option was surgical removal to prevent further physical damage by growing. He was amazed that it was found this early and small. Usually when he sees this type of tumor, they are larger and have already wrapped around the brain stem preventing surgical removal. He also explained that it was causing no physical problems and was not the source of my headaches. However, if I had not had the headaches, the tumor would have continued to grow unnoticed until I major symptoms appeared. By that time I would have seen my doctor for the inability to walk or talk, not just "simple headaches." The doctor spent a long time explaining the risks to me, which are many and some more serious than others. After making it very clear that my only beneficial option was surgery, it was scheduled for July 19, 2001.
Over the course of the last few weeks, I have tried to come to terms with my upcoming surgery. I would be dishonest if I told you I am not afraid and don't dread the whole ordeal. My biggest fear is that something will go wrong and I will be dependent on others for my personal care. The other feeling I constantly battle is guilt. Guilt because I know God is all-powerful and I believe Romans 8:28 ... "All things work out for the good, for those that love the Lord..." I should not have these fears and doubts. But I do. I have struggled with all these emotions and more, all the while asking God to give me peace about my situation.
God has funny ways of carrying us to the place he needs us to be. This is certainly true for me. I like to do word search puzzles. You know the kind that has all the words scrambled and you just have to find them. I find it a good way to waste time without having to think too much.
I was doing one recently and it had words like "faith, rest assuredly, hope, dream, optimism, trust, doubt not, believe, confidence, conviction, hold tight, yearning, all power, peace" etc. I am sure you get the picture. As I worked the puzzle and found each word, every one stood out like neon signs flashing in the night. I would get excited each time I found a new word, just like I had found a new lease on life. I had all the answers right in front of me, but they were all scrambled and in a state of disarray. I just had to be diligent and search them out. Then that night I had a dream. In my dream I saw two big hands cupped together. In the palm of the hands I saw myself with all the words I had seen that day floating around over my head. When I awoke, this thought was in my mind, "You are in God's hands and you have all the tools you need to use to lean back and rest. Draw on those tools and rest assured that there is no better place to be." Boy, what a way to wake up! Talk about a good morning! Yes, God uses strange things to get my mind on the right track.
I realized I was like that puzzle. I was all scrambled and in a fog. I had let the situation confronting me steal my joy and my security. The ground had been pulled out from under me, and I had landed on my backside. Instead of looking up, I had been wandering around like a lost person who has no hope of finding the way home. I had the answer and help in my heart all the time. It took the word puzzle to remove the clutter so I could see.
If I could draw, I would paint a picture of the image I saw in my dream. It was so vivid. I am still apprehensive. I guess that is normal. The difference is now when I start having doubts and getting afraid, my mind sees two big hands, holding me in their palms with all the joy, love and peace of My Father enfolding around and through me. Yes, I am in God's hands. Where else would I want to be?
Maxine Wright copyright 2001
Maxine@aroush.com (work)
maxlj@bellsouth.net (home)
I have grown to love my 2theheart family and I know that you all will be pulling for me on July 19th. I want to thank Susan for being so good and loving to me after she heard the news. My family, church family and friends at work have been very supportive and have put up with all my moods and moments. I am sure there will be lots more before it is over, so I will thank you all now. I love you all. That support and knowing I am in God's hands is what will get me through my surgery and recovery.
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