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February 25, 2003 - "A Letter to God"
Welcome to 2TheHeart!
"Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever." ~Isak Dinesen
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BE UNFORGETTABLE! Learn how to make your writing snap, crackle and pop! Take our Creative Writing mini-workshop beginning March 3rd and you will learn to be a better, more creative writer! To sign up for this four-week workshop (Deadline is this Friday!), register here: www.2theheart.com/writingworkshops
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I absolutely LOVED this open Letter to God when I read it! It made me smile... and shed a few tears, as the mother to a deaf child, I KNOW this prayer. I'm sure God smiled when He heard it too. I also know we who are parents to these incredible little spirits are blessed beyond measure and would never become the people God intended us to be without them. Please welcome this wonderful new writer to 2TheHeart!
A LETTER TO GOD
by Pat Linkhorn
Dear God,
Never let it be said that I won't admit it when I'm wrong or that I never apologize to people when I should. And I have been wrong about you. I thought you'd made a terrible mistake when my child was born and I said some pretty rotten things to you and about you. It seemed so unfair though. I couldn't believe that you'd given me this child as part of "the plan." I was sure you'd made a horrendous mistake and I'm sure you got pretty tired of me begging for a miracle in one breath and then turning around and saying all those mean things about you in the next breath. I'm truly sorry.
I thought my view of the whole situation was right and yours was wrong. I doubted your wisdom, and yes, I even cursed you for doing what you did. Inexcusable, I know. But you have to realize that when she was born, I wasn't nearly the person I am now and in those days you could have bet me a million dollars that I never would be capable of handling everything. (And even though I'm apologizing now, didn't you sometimes doubt your decision?) Anyway, you were right. This child has changed my life. She's made me be all that I'm capable of and more than I ever imagined I could be. She's made me see things would have overlooked before.
Take this compassion thing. Yeah, I knew what the word meant and I really thought I was back then, but I turned away when I saw a person with a disability and sometimes I even stared when I thought no-one was watching. What a jerk I was. My brand of compassion was more like pity for all that they weren't and I never saw them for all that they were. But.... I thought I was being truly compassionate. Thanks for teaching me that.
Then there was that tolerance thing. Sure I thought they should have equal rights and opportunities, but would I have gone out of my way to make sure that happened? Probably not. Now I live with a little person who I expect others to be tolerant of. Makes you realize how tolerant you really were before and helps you to understand where other people are coming from.
And the minority thing. Coming from a middle class white background doesn't even begin to prepare you for all the prejudices and oppression at you face when you become a minority yourself, via your child. Talk about a learning experience! It makes you empathize with all minorities.
Now I have to thank you for all the things you've taken away from me. Pettiness is one of them. When I think of all the things I used to worry about! What a waste of time and energy. But, I have to always remember how I was and how I am now. Those who haven't experienced what I've been through won't know the difference and with all I've learned, I have to remember how I used to feel when I deal with them and I have to remember to understand.
Monetary things are the next. I recently listened to a speaker at a conference and one of the questions she asked was, "If given the choice, would you choose 30 million dollars or peace and happiness?" I was in a room with close to 30 parents who had children with disabilities and not a one of them raised their hand for the 30 million. (Although I briefly thought that 30 million would buy some quality child care and help further the cause for equality.) However, I did realize that it wouldn't make my daughter see, nor would it replace things many other children needed. Ten years ago I would have been convinced that the money was my answer to happiness. Now it's secondary to what is really important.
I know now that all the times I accused you of deserting me, you were, in fact, carrying me just as the FOOTPRINTS poem says. I also know that the bad times are what helps me to grow, so I don't take them so personally now. But just so you'll realize that I'm still me and that I'm still going to need a little help, (and since I've apologized so nicely) could you give me a small miracle and make my little girl see? Well, if you can't, I guess I understand. Miracles might be in short supply today, but just for the record thanks again for letting me see. Amen.
Pat Linkhorn copyright 2003
pat@linkhornllamas.com
Pat Linkhorn is the mother of two daughters with disabilities. Kimberly is 17 and has Autism and Krystal is 15 and is blind due to prematurity. Pat works as a mentor to other parents who have children with disabilities, helping them navigate the educational system.
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The Letter Box:
Dear Laura,
I loved "The Litter Lady" story. Sometimes I forget that one person really can make a difference and your sister in law is a shining example of this! Please thank her for me and tell her to keep on going! There's a lady in Oklahoma following her example and hopefully cleaner roads here too! Thanks, Karen Mann
Dear 2theheart,
"The Litter Lady" prompted me to do my own small things to make a difference. Madelyn may not know it, but she sparked a new goal for our whole family!!!!! We are going to spend one saturday a month doing something for our community in northern Oregon. Whether it's picking up trash, planting trees and flowers, or other volunteer work, we thank Laura for her story and Madelyn for her example. THANK YOU!!!! Jennie Walsham & Family
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