Welcome to 2TheHeart's Funny Friday, to start your weekend off with a CHUCKle! (Guess who wrote this week's Funny Friday?)


This week's Funny Quotes:

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."  - Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

"Time's fun when you're having flies." -Kermit the Frog

"Never go to bed mad. Stay awake all night and plot horrible REVENGE!!!!" -Vince Lewonski


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Another hilarious story about Chuck's Grandma Etta!



"To Expectorate or How to Expect To Rate"
by Chuck Dishno
 

This is another story about my grandma Etta. She was a first class lady with very proper up bringing so living in a small backwoods town like Bly, Oregon was a cultural shock to her. She took it all in stride though and made the most of it.
   
Bly had a quite a few families of that came from the Ozarks with their quaint customs. One lady who lived down the street from us was one of Etta's favorites. Grandma loved to stop and visit her when ever she had the chance. I was about 6 or 7 and she always took me with her.  The lady, I think her name was Mrs. Tillman, had very few teeth and chewed tobacco at every chance. As soon as we came in Mrs. Tillman would take a large chew of tobacco and pour a cup of coffee for Etta then place a large plate of cookies on the table for us to eat while chatting. These were days before we had electric ranges and she had a large wood cook stove in the kitchen. Before she would sit down, she would go over to the stove and open the door to the fire box. She would then sit and face the stove and when the urge hit her she would pucker up and spit across the room right into the fire box. Her accuracy was amazing and the only thing you could hear was the "splatter" as a wad hit the fire. Grandma was totally fascinated by this and could hardly wait for her to launch the next volley. She would talk about it all the way home and give my mom a detailed account of the incident.

I remember her saying, "I would give anything if I could spit like that". I don't remember her ever trying, though, and I'm sure she never did. She died at 84 years of age, just as much a lady then as she had been all her life.
 


Chuck Dishno   copyright 2001
dishgov@mcn.net
 
I am a retired printer who spends the summers in Dillon Montana but, escape to the warm winters in Yuma, Arizona for about 6 months. I share my life with my beautiful Chinese wife, Roz and our two neurotic cats, Amy and Max. I love to write and have many stories that I am preserving for my children and grand children. I have had a few published on 2theheart.


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The Letter Box:


Deborah,
I live in a neighboring state, Ohio, and we also have 2 seasons -
winter (which this year has been, thus far, mild and ORANGE BARREL season. I think you may be aware of it. It's when traffic is reduced to one lane (and the tourists and snowbirds come to increase the challenges of traveling).
Patricia
Have a TERRIFIC day!
Dr. Patricia Kaine MD


Right, Deb (Invasion of the body Scratchers)- that's Michigan off my holiday list ! There are not that many mozzies in this country but they and all the rest of the flying bloodsuckers and biters find me absolutely delectable (that must be your problem, too, huh ?) and I'm not about to go looking for them for pleasure.

When I was last in the States I enjoyed a visit to the giant redwoods in northern California. The next day I thought I'd got a flea from my friend's dog but, no, you guessed it, my legs had become brunch for the little critters - and I never noticed at the time !  Thankfully my friend didn't take offence at my accusation and the dog didn't speak English so I think I got away with it.

Margaret Drysdale
Yorkshire, England



Dear Deborah,
Loved your Skeeter story! You have to come to Hawaii then! LOL - You wouldn't get mosquitos, but you have to step over the silverfish, huge spiders and geckos!
~Naomi Canter


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