Welcome to 2TheHeart's Funny Friday!
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You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!"
-- Sean Connery --
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"I'm attending school only until it becomes available on CD-ROM. "
~ANONYMOUS STUDENT
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Kathe Campbell shares another Montana style tale of ... donkey ridin'!
DONKEY RIDIN'
by Kathe Campbell
"Welcome to Broken Tree Ranch kids. We're so happy to have you here. Are y'all ready to learn how to ride donkeys?"
"Wonderful! Like your enthusiasm."
"We have BTR kerchiefs for everyone." (Well then, stick it somewhere and use it to wipe your nose, or something little boy.)
"All seven donks are here at the hitchin' rail for you to get acquainted with. The girls are Sweet Pea, Rosemarie and Blossom. The boys are Sam, Storm, Gabriel and Smart Ass."
"Oh, really dear? That's what your mom calls your dad? I'd like to meet her sometime. You see donkeys are also called asses . . . . well never mind."
These are not little burros, they're very large and they don't sound like horses. They hee-haw and whistle. Ol' Smart Ass here has been known to hee-haw 28 times without stopping.
Oh, you like the shortest one. That's Rosie. She's all yours today. (Not so far to the ground.)
Oh Oh Oh, careful there young man, don't put your hand in Gabe's mouth. Yeah, I know his teeth are big.
Well, because he eats hay. He needs big teeth to graze and eat his hay twice a day.
Yes, I can see you eat five times a day! (Holy moley!)
First of all, this is the bridle or headstall. The curved metal rod is the bit. It fits into the donkey's mouth while the headstall goes over his head behind his ears.
No, no, young man, that's backwards. We wouldn't want our donkey to walk backwards now, would we? (tch tch.) See how Mr. C. has his donkey all rigged up so he can use the reins?
What's the matter darlin'?
Yes, I know, but the inside of everyone's mouths are wet and gooey. Just give the bit a push with the palm of your hand and the donkey will open his mouth. Well, here, here's a towel to wipe your hands and we'll help you bring the bridle up behind the ears. (Give me a break.)
Just bend those ears forward one at a time and slip the bridle over each one.
No no son, get down off the hitchin' rail and don't bend the ears backwards. That hurts him. The ears bend forward easy. Good, now you've got the hang. Bring the reins up on each side of the donkey's neck and hang 'em loosely around the saddle horn.
Ah . . . no, this horn doesn't honk. (Please deliver me!)
No, these aren't mules. Donkeys and horses make mules. (Now why did I bring that up?)
How?
Well . . . . ah . . . . (Oh dear Lord, me and my big mouth.)
Can anyone tell me what these are? No, not mattresses, but yer close. Saddle blankets!
Okay, saddle blankets first and then we'll learn to saddle up. There's a saddle for each of you. Mr. C and I will toss the saddles up onto the donkey's backs and you can do the rest.
See where you place your feet? Those are stirrups.
What sweetheart?
No . . . not quite like in your mommie's doctor's office. (Mercy me, are these kids for real?)
Let's toss those stirrups up onto the saddle horn while we're learning to cinch up.
Oooo . . . kay, we'll be glad to help with that.
See those straps hanging from the saddle on each side of the animal? That one is the cinch. The one nearest you will do the cinching. Now, reach under the donkey's belly and bring the cinch toward you and place the end of the strap in the buckle. Good, you're doin' fine.
No no no, darlin', you're on the wrong side of the animal. You must buckle and cinch on the left side. That's the girl. Well I know it's the left side to you but we're talking about the donkey's left side. Okay?
Now, has everyone pulled up on your cinches as hard as you can? Good, you're almost there.
Oh don't panic darlin', he just let out extra wind when you pulled up on the cinch, that's all. Yep, I'm sure it's much louder than what yer daddy does. (If you're daddy did that he'd be on the moon.)
Now kids, put your left foot in the stirrup, hang onto the saddle horn tight and raise yourself up into the saddle as you throw your right leg over. Here little one, I'll give you a boost. Great, you're doin' it. We're almost there.
Oh no dear, the left foot, you're sitting backwards on Sweet Pea. She only travels forward unless maybe you're more interested in seeing where you've been?
No no, don't try to change positions up there. Get off and start over. Here, I'll help you.
Now everyone, hold your reins, but not too tight.
Y'all look jest like real cowboys a fixin' to go out and herd them thar cattle, hu?
Let's commence a few turns around the yard before we open the gate. Give your donk a little kick. That's right guys, you're regular Hopalong Cassidys.
Who was Hopalong?
Oh, he was a famous cowboy. (Hee gads, I'm showing my age.)
No no boys, just a little kick for walking. We're not ready for the donkeys to trot yet. If your donk begins to run too fast, rein his head in as hard as you can to one side and yell, "Woah." Remember now, pull to the left to go left and pull to the right to go right. Easy?
Is everyone ready to go out onto the prairie and wrangle up them ol' steers? I'll lead and Mr. C. will follow.
Razooo guys, you're all doing just great.
Yes hon?
How about singing our donkey song now, okay?
Why?
Because I said so!
"Hi ho and away we go, donkey ridin', donkey ridin, hi ho and away we go, ridin' on a donkey."
Kathe Campbell
bigskyadj@in-tch.com
Ken and I are still feeding our souls up here on our Montana mountain but have retired from teaching donkey riding to more than one or two at a time. Maybe that's because we're down to three donks and just maybe some kids are more savvy about life than we ever suspected. But when you've taken a few helmeted autistic kids out with the help of their parents, that's life's filet mignon. Somewhere in the 2theheart archives are other stories of our donks and adventures on this place. Please don't forget to visit my Montana artist stationery page at:
http://www.outlookstationery.com as well as Pat Lowe's beautiful "Bed of Roses" page at the same address.
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Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
-- Rod Stewart --
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The Letter Box:
Dear Susan,
"Laughing With Dad" was not only funny, but touching as well. It takes a great man to laugh at himself like that, and the story was beautifully told.
~Gloria
Dear Funny Friday,
I look forward to your stories every friday. I read it from work, since I don't have a computer at home, and the only lists I subscribe to (or have time for!) are 2theheart and Funny Friday. Last Friday, your story "Laughing With Dad" was really wonderful. It had a great combination of humor and sweetness and I loved it.
~Rita Pemble
Dear Funny Friday,
Your list is my favorite and I have gone back through all the stories since I joined. I just wanted to say thanks and that your quotes are so funny I always send them to my friends.
:-) Jake
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Mary Kay Anniversary Sale all this week! For Details contact kayjones@trailnet.com. Beauty Is Just A Click Away! Shop online with me at: www.marykay.com/kjones17
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