Welcome to 2TheHeart's Funny Friday!
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"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it." - Terry Pratchett
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"This summer I want to go to the beach and bury metal objects that say 'Get a Life' on them."
- Demitri Martin
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Kay Jones is now taking orders for her famous Cookies & Cream sets for Easter & Mother's Day! Your choice of pastel M&M, double chocolate brownies, and dreamsicle recipe mixes - beautifully wrapped with Mary Kay hand lotion (the best!) in a cellophane bag with colorful crinkle paper & recipe card tied with ribbon. You'll want one for yourself! I order several every holiday because they make wonderful gifts! Email Kay to order yours early! Kayjones@trailnet.com
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I am running yet another story that I feel warrants a warning. Okay, here it is: This is gross, but hilarious. As the mother of a fourteen year old boy, I can definitely appreciate this bonding magic! And I saw a new side of one of writers that I must say I admire!
Mother-Son Bonding
by Linda Ferris
I was recovering from bronchitis one summer when it became necessary to drive my young preteen son Michael, to the store for some new tennis shoes. Baseball was about to start and he was ready to be part of the team. All except for having tennis shoes of course.
As I was recovering from bronchitis, the doctor instructed me to try and cough up the hideous infectious material that lingered in my bronchial tubes. At home, I would cough and conveniently, I had a sink nearby, no problem! But now we were in the car when this big cough came on, and I suddenly had the NEED of ridding my lungs of more of this stuff!
There I sat not knowing what I was going to do, when my young son yelled out, "You've got to spit it out the window Mom!" "But I don't know how to spwit wike that" I mumbled, through closed lips. In seconds flat, I was getting a "hockering demonstration" from my seem-to-be pro-spitting champion son. "Okay, I'm going to twie it," I bellowed still mumbling! "Just clear the CAR Mom," was my son's final warning. Haa-o-c-kspitowee!! In one major attempt, I did as he instructed, but not quite to his liking it appeared, as he whined, Awwhhh Mom! You spit a LOOGIE on the WINDOW!
Grossed out and in unison we both cried, EEWUUU! A short time later the need arose again, but this time I did it, I cleared the car and at the same time, made my son proud. Ahh the pleasures of mother and son bonding, isn't it wonderful!!
Linda Ferris
LAFRN10@aol.com
Michael is now 22 years old and on New Year's Eve, he proposed marriage to his girlfriend Carrie. They're planning a June 2002 wedding. Linda has written many heart-touching stories for 2TheHeart, and her award-winning Heart Note can be found on our home page.
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"I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'"
- Bruce Baum
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The Letter Box:
Re last week's "That Mean Bone"
Kath,
Great story well told! You are more of a psychologist than I ever imagined. More of your insights into t he human condition, puhleese!
Love,
Ronnie Bray
Quill@prodigy.net
Kathe,
I sure got lots of giggles over this one! Believe me, I know a bit about mean bones, having also robbed my brother's coin collection when I was in grade school. I went to the tiny corner store and bought, you guessed it, penny candy. It was unfortunate that my brother, the Troll (private joke) did not look at his pennies until a few days after the dastardly deed. He asked who took his pennies, and I confessed thru my tears. He went up to Deacon's store, and was allowed to search through the pennies in the cash register, but alas, it was too late. It seems I had taken the rarest coin, along with a few others...I don't remember too much about it, except that I felt terribly guilty. I loved my big brother, and I thought he'd never miss a few old pennies. The Troll, who is now 77, still reminds me of what I did waaaaaay back when.I'm the heir to his accumulated $$$, so I guess he
forgave me.
Love this quote from your fun story "Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold -- but so does a hard-boiled egg!" You have a heart of gold, and you're no egg.
I gotta love you Kiddo.
~Pat
pawlowe@televar.com
Dear Susan,
Where DO you get those hilarious quotes? I LOVE your Funny Friday list, and your quotes often give me as big a laugh as your stories! I would love to know of some good web sites that I can find some like yours.
~Mitch, CA
Mitch,
My newest favorite is http://www.geocities.com/tangental/quotes.htm. It
has hundreds of funny and weird quotes and even some thought-provoking ones. ( "Mothers are all slightly insane" - J. D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye)
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Our new 2TheHeart store is now up on our web site! Ordering is easy with our online store and all our products have a 30 day, money-back guarantee - you can't beat that! http://www.2theheart.com/our_store_/
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Submit your funny stories to: Editor@2theheart.com
See our new online store! www.2theheart.com/our_store_/
Feel free to pass this on to your friends!
