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August 13, 2002 - The Eraser
Welcome to 2TheHeart!
"A child's life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark." ~Chinese Proverb
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This story really moved me. As I read, my heart ached for John, but felt his story is so important to share. One small act of kindness can impact an entire lifetime. Writers of the Month will be announced later today!
"The Eraser"
by John Gaudet
My life as a boy was filled with violence, blood and hiding places. My siblings and I were shuffled back and forth between our violently alcoholic parents and a horribly abusive convent.
We were living in a small Saskatchewan town called Swift current with my parents during these rough periods and school was just a blur of new teachers, taunting faces and lonely lunches.
I carried the abuse inside me like a brick. I just felt like I had so many bad secrets that I wasn't supposed to tell anyone and I was so scared to let them slip that I stopped talking. I was also in perpetual mourning for my brothers and sisters. We had made so many promises to each other hiding under the bed crying while real monsters roared and no heroes came to the rescue. We promised that no matter what we would always be together. Well this was easier whispered from a terrified child than done and we were inevitably split up and thrown to the mercy of the convent again.
At best you could say I was barely surviving when I met a very special lady. You have to understand that with all that was going on with my mom and the nuns at the convent I had never had any positive contact with women in my life. That's why I was filled with dread when she asked me to stay after school.
Her name was Mrs. Shannon and she was my second grade teacher. I spent the afternoon filled with anguish as the clock ticked the seconds by. What new torture was I in for now? What ever had I done? I remembered taking a half empty milk carton and a carrot off another child's desk at lunch and eating them. (I was so desperate for milk and real food that I just couldn't help myself.) I thought that this may be what I was to be detained for. At the end of the day the final bell found me numb with fear and anguish.
I sat at my desk as kids bustled by me with taunts of "you're really gonna get it this time" and " what kinds of flowers you want at your funeral," etc...
The classroom soon emptied and it was just her and I. She smiled and said that I wasn't in any kind of trouble and that she just needed some help cleaning up. I was only slightly relieved as we started tidying the classroom up. While we worked she talked to me about everything.
Somehow she seemed to know that I was afraid to talk so she talked for both of us. She told me what it was like on her family farm and of the animals there. She talked about school, her love for kids and and how she became a teacher. I heard with loving detail stories of family and friends that I secretly longed for.
She began to keep me after school every day and I began to look forward to these sessions with this kind woman. Once she gave me a sparkly eraser and I kept it in my pocket for weeks fingering it with a smile on my face.
She encouraged me to read and showed me that not all adults were monsters. I was told that I could be someone, and if I really tried I could do anything that I wanted. She gave me hope.
Well I would like to say that was the start of a new life for me but it wasn't. I was soon moved back to the convent and I lost touch with Mrs. Shannon.
Eventually the department of social services moved me back with my dad as he and my mother had finally divorced. This proved to be a bad mistake and soon he began to drink and get violent. It all escalated until one June day when he took his own life in a fit of depression.
I kicked around after that, moving aimlessly through life until one day my sister called and said she found some things in the attic. In them were boxes of old toys and in one I found the sparkly eraser Mrs. Shannon had given me. I started to cry for this woman and the gift of kindness she had given me as a child.
I changed my life that day. I stopped drinking and started to write. I found God and have turned my life around completely now. I am married with an eight year-old daughter who also loves to write. I owe it to a lady who gave me my greatest gift as a child, kindness, hope and a sparkly eraser.
John Gaudet copyright 2002
drmrjohn@sasktel.net
John lives in northern Saskatchewan with his wife Chantalle and eight year old daughter Charisa. He owns his own business repairing electronics and does freelance writing. Email John and encourage his writing!
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Light a candle this September 11th! See Candlemart's patriotic candles here: www.qksrv.net/click-404250-55515
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The Letter Box:
2theheart family,
Please keep Ronnie Bray's sweet wife, Gay, in your prayers. She is facing heart surgery this week and I know Ronnie and she could both use some comfort and prayers right now.
Susan Fahncke
Dear Annettee,
I loved your story! Probably because I have a wonderful 15 year old who doesn't always make the right choices but who, through her circumstances, makes me spend much more time in prayer! I've said it before, but, I don't know how parents raise kids without leaning on God? Can't wait to read more of your stories!
Blessings,
Sue Henley
Susan...yet again another of my email friends you have published! Annettee is a lovely lady I just came to know and was glad to see her story about her son on your site! If I keep sending you new writers I think I shall surely never be published on your site again! :o) But that is OK too; it is nice to see all the new writers you are putting out there for the rest of us to read. This is becoming quite the gathering place for friends!
Betty King
Dear Annenette,
Welcome to writing for 2theHeart. Your story was so well written, in concise paragraphs, with such a powerful message that I enjoyed reading it. I am so glad you got the hard evidence to "convict" your son and that he has gone on to build a very worthwhile life. God bless you and yours.
Blessings, meg
Mary-Ellen Grisham "meg"
meginrose@empowering.com
Dear Annettee,
They you found proof of your son's re-involvement with drugs was surely incredible, as you said. We had a problem with one of our daughters who was experimenting with marihuana when she was in high school. I think God sent a guardian angel to help us keep an eye on her, because we always seemed to catch her and thwart her plans. She has been a productive citizen for many years, and she has always been
a loving daughter. I believe she wanted to be stopped. When we grounded her, it gave her a good excuse to stay away from her girlfriends who had little parental guidance.
In those days there weren't any "Tough Love" organizations for us to turn to. Thank you for sharing your story.
Pat Lowe
pawlowe@televar.com
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