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August 10, 2001 - A Day I Will Never Forget
Welcome to Funny Friday, to start your weekend off with a chuckle!
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This week's quotes:
"Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection
unprotected."
--Robert Orben
"Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having
children. Life is the other way around."
--David Lodge
"Never have children, only grandchildren."
--Gore Vidal
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"A Day I Will Never Forget"
By Allen Keith Norris
Have you ever squirrel hunted - just gone into the woods and sat and waited for one to come out? I did this religiously as a kid each year before bird season opened. Just after daylight and right before dark was the best time, or so I thought, since that was the only time I could slip off most of the time!
I even hunted on Sundays, even though my mother told me the devil was going to get me. To back up her warnings she showed me her Bible with pictures. The devil had horns, one regular foot and one cow's foot, a long tail, and always had a pitchfork. I told you all of that to give you a mindset of a twelve year old sitting in the woods by himself after dark, when all that could be seen was the outline of tree branches against the sky.
One day while hunting, I heard a startling noise. If you have ever
heard someone walking through the woods dragging a pine top, you know what kind of noise I am talking about and it was coming straight toward me. I was within twenty feet of a tree that had fallen against another tree lying at a forty-five degree angle. Suddenly there was a scream, something similar to a bobcat but louder. Whatever it was ran up the tree and I saw its form against the sky. It looked even bigger than me. Then there was another scream. I fired three shots and was up on my feet all in the same motion, and headed home! Another scream followed, which meant I had not killed the beast.
By this time I was fifty yards down the hollow. I was very fast afoot as a kid and headed toward the house in a blind panic. I entered the back door, latched it, and peered out the window to see if I had been followed. The whole episode about scared my mother to death as she thought I had shot one of my best friends.
Dad asked me what was wrong and I began to tell the story. He looked me over to see if I was hurt, then asked me how I got through the three barbed wire fences, each four strands high, on my way home. I told him I did not remember crossing any fences! Apparently, I had been stepping pretty high. I do not have a clue how I got through or over the fences!
After three or four days we found out that someone in our community was out looking for their pet monkey which had gotten out of its cage. That was about forty years ago. The monkey was never seen again and I haven't hunted anymore on Sundays!
Keith Norris copyright 2001
knorris@peoplepc.com
Keith grew up on a farm in Cullman, Alabama, and still lives very close to his family home place. He wouldn't take anything for the peace and quiet of country living! He has been married to Kathy for 28 years (who also writes for 2theheart), and they have two beautiful daughters and two precious 3 year old grandchildren. They have just recently received the exciting news that grand-twins are on the way! God continues to bless his family!!
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Send all letters for the Letter Box to Editor@2theheart.com, and be sure to put "Funny Friday" in the subject line!
The Letter Box:
Dear Funny Friday,
BIG KITTY had me howling with laughter! We passed it all around the office and everyone got a kick out of it! Funny Friday has become very popular around here and people are coming up to me Friday mornings and asking if it's here yet. Love Chuck Dishno's style!
~Jeb
Dear Chuck,
"Big Kitty" topped my list of favorites. I always enjoy your stories, but this one was stinking FUNNY! I kept laughing about it later. I'm a "cat person", so it was even more funny (I have three of them) and I really got a kick out of picturing Big Kitty on that man's head and trying to get out of the bag. I'm glad you got your five dollars!
~Holly
Chuck---
Your story about your cat was a crack up. My wife has a cat (who hates me), and I could picture that fat feline climbing up the neck of Mr. Entertainment - he deserved it. (The guy, not the cat) great story.
~John
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Funny Friday archives: www.2theheart.com/funny_friday/
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